Growing up

When I was younger, I used to wonder if everything bought was put in plastic bags. If you buy a car, where do you get a gigantic carrier to hold it?

I used to have swimming practice every weekend. My dad made me swim twenty laps of each stroke. I was barely seven. And hated it. So I found all sorts of ways to cheat. Sometimes when the sky is downcast and he signals for me to stop, I think to myself, Is this too good to be true?

I received my first love letter when I was seven. He gave it to me and kept asking me to read it because out of awkwardness I passed it to someone else. There were only two sentences. Unfortunately the teacher confiscated it. Yet what made me scared wasn't him, but that moment when the teacher asked whose letter it was.

I met nice people and found my security in companionship, compliments and achievements. I followed trends and was too afraid to admit that I wanted to be like everyone else. I was happy but not entirely, provided for but not contented. Like you, I went through the phase of being fearful of being judged.

My heart broke for the first time when I learnt that words can't be taken for real. Promises are meant to be broken, said he to me. I just kept crying. Two things I learnt: Never trust so easily and don't ever make promises you never intend to keep. I hate how guileless I was yet am not ashamed of my naivety. For if I haven't trusted, I would never know that I can barely trust anyone.

Later on, I came to terms with the fact that this world isn't pretty. But it isn't entirely ugly either. Same with people. This coexistence made me realise how desperately in need I was of God. God, not a god. I finally understood why I tended to feel insecure. Not because I needed to be important, but my identity was in everything meaningless. Things that wouldn't last.

When I found my identity in Christ, I realised how insignificant everything else is. All along I thought life was good but this is way better. The best and only, in fact. And when I'm done living this life, I'd finally meet my Creator who went such a long way, to make this moment forever.

At the end of everything, what are you left with?